What's In A Name? On Big Balls and First Names

Plus: A #YachtWatch update, as our new Attorney General guts the agency in charge of dealing with frozen Russian assets

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ALEX’S WEEKLY RANT

Much like Victor Caro, the hero of my books, I find myself these days suffering from flabbergastipation: When you are so in shock, you can’t say shit. But I’ll do my best to find some words.

From Victor in the Rubble

This week we learned that all of our personal data is currently in the hands of a 19-year-old high school graduate who goes by the name of Big Balls. He is just one of the DOGE staffers running roughshod over all the computer systems and data that make the federal government function. The preening adolescents have apparently been throwing tantrums and installing god knows what software and backdoors into what used to be pretty secure systems. When I worked for the government, we couldn’t plug a thumb drive into a computer, but apparently installing all kinds of new shit with no procurement process and security checks is just how we roll these days.

Which I guess is why it was totally cool that this week the White House ordered the CIA to send it the names of all employees hired in the last two years, and to send that information over an unclassified email system. Which the CIA did! Now, I’m old enough to remember the 2016 election and screams about “But her emails!” because Hillary Clinton had used a private email server. But I’m sure sending the names of undercover CIA employees over an open server is going to work out just fine. I mean, Big Balls is on it, right?

Now, I know what you’re thinking. This might be bad for national security (not to mention the security of those undercover employees). Sorry, suckers. White House officials said there’s no need for concern, because, you see, the list only included the first name and the first initial of the last name of these undercover employees. Take that, China! No way you can crack that code!

I was going to rant about this particular issue more here, but Just Security asked me to rant about it there, so here’s a link to my article about why this is bad (on so many levels).

Again, I’m sure Big Balls and Elon M. have this all under control (you don’t know who I’m talking about there, since I only included the person’s first name and first initial of his last name. Booya, mother fuckers!).

The Just Security piece focuses narrowly on this emailing the names thing, but I’ll just state here for the record that current efforts to “streamline” the CIA are bad. I’m all for cutting red tape at the Agency (this is a main theme of Victor in the Rubble), but not like this. Same goes for all the other agencies Trump and his prepubescent techno minions are gutting.

I’ve been working on this analogy: Let’s say you have an infected cut on your finger. Clearly, it needs to be addressed. Trump’s solution is to chop off both your arms. Worse, he’s given the bone saw to a 19-year-old named Big Balls with no medical experience whatsoever who is taunting you as the saw spins, saying maybe he’ll start the cuts today, maybe in thirty days, and he’s laughing at you but also throwing a tantrum as his mom bangs on the door of the basement where we are all now trapped with him.

(I welcome any feedback to improve the analogy.)

These cuts and other changes to the government having nothing to do with efficiency, of course, and everything to do with dismantling the administrative state. For a better understanding of what is happening and why, read every word of this piece from Katherine Stewart, who has done an excellent job capturing the main points to pay attention to in all this chaos.

#YACHTWATCH UPDATE: WILL AMADEA AND TANGO GO BACK TO THEIR RUSSIAN OLIGARCH OWNERS?

Might Suleiman Kerimov and Viktor Vekselberg soon be back on the high seas? In one of her first moves as attorney general, Pam Bondi shuttered the Department of Justice’s Kleptocracy Initiative, the office responsible for seizing, among other things, assets of sanctioned Russian oligarchs, including their yachts.

The US has seized two Russian yachts: Tango, which is believed to be owned by Vekselberg and is floating in Spain, and Amadea, believed to be owned by Kerimov. We’ve gotten very little reporting about how Tango is being maintained, but the Amadea has caused a storm because she is costing tax payers $740,000 a month while a legal battle to determine the true owner plays out in court.

A #YachtWatch Update: The Trouble with Russian Floaters

What will happen with these cases? Will prosecutors drop them? Will the assets return to their owners?

Whale Hunting’s Bradley Hope has more details on the closing of the kleptocracy task force, including rumblings that some of the assets under the task force’s control might be used to fund detention centers.

Bondi is also limiting criminal enforcement of the Foreign Agents Registration Act (FARA)—which was used to prosecute, among other Trump-adjacent characters, former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort—as well as the Foreign Influence Task Force—which was created in the wake of Russian interference in the 2016 election. That Russian interference, you may recall, was aimed at boosting Trump and denigrating Clinton.

What this all means for the yachts remains to be seen, but the upshot is that America is stepping away from trying to prosecute and prevent corruption. I wonder why?

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THE WEEK’S LINKS

A roundup of things you should be reading

HOW MUSK USED CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION TO CLOSE USAID

How Elon Musk boosted false USAID conspiracy theories to shut down global aid (CNBC)

‘Russian media lies’ — Ben Stiller denies claims about USAID funding his Ukraine trip, reposted by Musk (Kyiv Independent)

A SCARY LOOK AT WHAT MUSK MIGHT BE PLANNING

‘Reboot’ Revealed: Elon Musk’s CEO-Dictator Playbook (thenerdreich.com)

EXCELLENT RESOURCES!

Just Security has launched WHAT JUST HAPPENED? as well as a litigation tracker to help readers keep up with the chaos

Lawfare is tracking all Executive Orders and related lawsuits and providing excellent and needed analysis

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Alex Finley is a former officer of the CIA’s Directorate of Operations, where she served in West Africa and Europe. She writes and teaches about terrorism, disinformation / covert influence, and oligarch yachts. Her writing has appeared in Slate, Reductress, Funny or Die, POLITICO, The Center for Public Integrity, and other publications. She has spoken to the BBC, MSNBC, CNN, C-SPAN’s Washington Journal, France24, and numerous other media outlets. She was also invited once to speak at Harvard, which she now tells everyone within the first ten seconds of meeting them. She is the author of the Victor Caro series, satirical novels about the CIA. Before joining the CIA, Alex was a journalist, covering Capitol Hill, the Pentagon, and the Department of Energy. She reported on issues related to national security, intelligence, and homeland security. Did she mention she was invited to speak at Harvard?

Look at that beautiful smile! I look pretty happy, too.