The Olympic Games of Sabotage
Banned from the Olympics, Russians look for other ways to leave their mark in Paris
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ALEX’S WEEKLY RANT
Officially, Russia is banned from this year’s Olympics, which kicked off this week in Paris. But that hasn’t stopped a number of Russians from looking for creative new ways to participate in the games.
Earlier this week, Russian lawyer-turned-chef, who was actually a spy, Kirill Griaznov took first place in the sport of fuck around/find out, leaving him worthy not of a medal around his neck but rather of metal around his wrists. French authorities arrested him in Paris on suspicion of planning “large scale” acts of “destabilization” at the Olympics, working on orders from Russia’s FSB (the successor of the KGB).
The 40-year-old Russian also deserves a gold medal in dipshittery. According to a joint investigation by The Insider, Le Monde, and Der Spiegel, in May of this year, Griaznov was returning to Paris from Moscow when, on a stopover in Istanbul, he got so drunk off his gourd he was not allowed to board his flight to Paris. Instead, he took a taxi to Bulgaria, where, a few days later, he got drunk off his gourd again and bragged to some neighbors that he was on his way to carry out a special assignment to disrupt the Olympic Games. When the neighbors didn’t believe his story, he took out his FSB ID and showed it to them.
Folks, I can’t believe I have to say this, but here goes: This is really bad tradecraft. If you are involved in covert operations, here are a few simple tips:
Don’t tell anyone about your super secret covert plans.
Don’t brag you are part of a super secret team of spies and brandish your government ID to prove it.
If you can’t hold your liquor without shouting out to the world that you are about to carry out a super secret covert mission to disrupt an international sporting event, maybe order a non-alcoholic beer.
Furthermore, French intelligence, which had been tracking Griaznov for months, intercepted a call between him and his FSB boss, in which he said, “The French are going to have an opening ceremony like there has never been before.”
Putting the RAT in Ratatouille
Griaznov trained as a chef at Paris’s famous Le Cordon Bleu, the institution for learning haute cuisine. (Julia Child also trained at Le Cordon Bleu and also was a spy, but, unlike dipshit Griaznov, she managed to keep the spy part quiet; the fact she worked for the Office of Strategic Services was only revealed in 2008. Also, I bet her boeuf bourguignon was way better than his.)
Griaznov appeared on a Russian TV cooking show, as well as on Russia’s version of the reality show The Bachelor, called “Choose Me.” (See The Insider’s report for pics and links to his Instagram and his TV appearances.)
He later trained in the Michelin-starred restaurant at the K2 resort in Courchevel, a ritzy ski resort in the French Alps. Courchevel was so popular with Russians before the 2022 full-scale invasion of Ukraine that the flag atop one of Courchevel’s main slopes wasn’t the French tricolor, but rather the Russian one. It has since been replaced with a peace flag.
But Griaznov’s work as a chef was only a cover. French authorities believe he planned to “provoke hostilities in France.” Indeed, during the intercepted phone call, French intelligence heard Griaznov tell his FSB boss he had recruited “one more Moldovan,” which is interesting since a Moldovan couple was arrested for painting Stars of David around Paris in an attempt to stir up hostility over the Israel-Gaza war. Russian proxies have also placed coffins under the Eiffel Tower and left red hand prints on a Holocaust memorial in France, as I discussed in Class 18.
France’s interior minister said other Russians suspected of looking to carry out similar destabilizing acts had also been arrested. Some of their plans included spreading disinformation. As an example, he said, “We saw a video which purports to be someone from Hamas... who announces an attack in the next few days and comes because France is going to welcome Israeli athletes. We’re not sure, but it looks like it is fake and has been spread by pro-Kremlin and pro-Russian channels.”
If only Russia hadn’t forced a state-run doping system on its athletes or invaded another country, perhaps Griaznov could have found a better way to attend the Olympics. Instead, he’ll be enjoying the games from inside a prison cell. I wonder if he’ll get a job in the prison kitchen?
THE WEEK’S LINKS
A roundup of things you should be reading
RUSSIA
Russia accuses Kamala Harris of ‘unfriendly rhetoric’ - here’s what she actually said (Kyiv Independent)
US banks to begin reporting Russian assets for eventual forfeiture under new law (Stars and Stripes)
Alex Finley is a former officer of the CIA’s Directorate of Operations, where she served in West Africa and Europe. She writes and teaches about terrorism, disinformation / covert influence, and oligarch yachts. Her writing has appeared in Slate, Reductress, Funny or Die, POLITICO, The Center for Public Integrity, and other publications. She has spoken to the BBC, MSNBC, CNN, C-SPAN’s Washington Journal, France24, and numerous other media outlets. She was also invited once to speak at Harvard, which she now tells everyone within the first ten seconds of meeting them. She is the author of the Victor Caro series, satirical novels about the CIA. Before joining the CIA, Alex was a journalist, covering Capitol Hill, the Pentagon, and the Department of Energy. She reported on issues related to national security, intelligence, and homeland security. Did she mention she was invited to speak at Harvard?
Did you see the Russian chess player who tried to poison her opponent by coating the pieces in mercury?
Sounds like he had treasure and wanted to get taken in. It appears to be a dangle..