Putting the Dick in Dictator
South Park has a teeny tiny message about the guy in the White House
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ALEX’S WEEKLY RANT!
The comedians strike back.
After weeks of powerful law firms, media platforms, and universities caving to Trump’s bullying, it’s our country’s comedians who are proving to be the new hope.
South Park launched its newest season with a bang, a huge but also teeny tiny bang. (Spoilers below!)
The show went straight for the jugular (or maybe the femoral artery?), criticizing cuts to National Public Radio while also making fun of the liberal lean of the station, highlighting the hypocrisy of people who criticize wokeness but also call for compassion for all—as long as it’s through Jesus in school, which literally happens in South Park—and mercilessly mocking Trump for being a tin pot dictator with a teeny tiny penis: a giant dick with a teeny prick, mocked with portraits on the wall showing our leader fucking a pig. Oh, and he gets into bed, literally, with Satan, who complains Trump is much like this other guy he used to date (a reference to Saddam Hussein, who was in bed with the devil in the South Park movie). The show jokes about Trump’s go to solution for anyone who says something he doesn’t like: sue them. In fact, in the show, Trump sues South Park. To make amends with the White House (in the show), South Park agrees to do a number of pro-Trump PSAs. Thus, the show ends with an AI video of a real human Trump stumbling through the desert with his teeny tiny dick (with googly eyes, apparently to prevent the network from blurring it), with the announcer telling the audience how much Trump has suffered for us. You can watch that AI PSA here.
The show skewered Paramount’s deal with Skydance, making self-deprecating jokes that South Park might very well suffer the same fate as Stephen Colbert, who got cancelled last week. Indeed, the South Park episode talks about Colbert’s getting canned. Colbert then returned the favor, airing part of the South Park pro-Trump PSA on his show.
Go Fuck Yourself
Colbert and Jon Stewart—whose show also airs on a Paramount asset—also did not take the White House bullying quietly. On Monday, after having the weekend to absorb the news about Colbert’s cancellation, they each returned with a simple message for the president: Go fuck yourself. Colbert said it directly. Stewart hired a gospel choir to help spread the message.
Trump is reportedly ticked that his teeny tiny prick was a main theme of the South Park episode. A White House spokesman released a statement calling South Park “irrelevant” and highlighting Trump’s successes (his word, not mine), adding, “no fourth-rate show can derail President Trump’s hot streak.” I’d say it’s been more of a sweaty streak.
On Presidential Penises
In any case, I can honestly say I know way more about presidential penises than I ever wanted to. Remember Paula Jones testifying about Bill Clinton’s penis’s “distinguishing characteristics”? And Stormy Daniels already revealed Trump’s pecker is small and shaped like a “toadstool.”
This is important information for all American citizens to know, of course. And we may soon know more, if those Epstein files ever see the light of day. Quick note about that: It was reported this week that “hundreds” of FBI agents were made to scour the files looking for names to feed to Trump’s MAGA base. Meaning hundreds of people now know what is in those files. How long before that information leaks?
Speaking of leaks: let’s get back to Trump’s tiny pecker. I have to wonder now, in an effort to make our Dear Leader feel bigger and longer, if Matthew Whitaker, our esteemed ambassador to NATO, will gift Trump one of his toilets for well-endowed men. (Yes, Whitaker used to sell toilets designed for men with large penises, so they wouldn’t dip their tip.)
Funding Versus Freedom
I understand that making fun of a guy’s small dick doesn’t necessarily seem like an act of courage. But Trey Parker and Matt Stone (i.e. the South Park guys) released this tiny Trump dick episode at a sensitive time. The Paramount-Skydance merger got FCC approval Thursday, days after CBS announced Colbert’s cancellation and just hours after the South Park episode aired. Meanwhile, the South Park guys reportedly reached a $1.5 billion deal with Paramount on Monday. It’s unclear, however, if the deal had actually been finalized before the episode aired.
As David Pressman, who served as US ambassador to Hungary, points out in this piece about how democracy died in Hungary: “the real danger of a strongman isn’t his tactics; it’s how others, especially those with power, justify their acquiescence.”
The acquiescence and the lack of solidarity we’ve seen over the last months has been staggering. So many who believe if they just go along with the dick-wannabe-dictator in the White House, or keep their heads down while others are attacked, they’ll be spared any real harm. Time and time again, Trump proves them wrong.
The wonderful thing about the Colberts, Stewarts, and South Park guys of this world: they have very loyal audiences and they make a lot of people a lot of money. They also have proven their solidarity. Again, South Park referenced Colbert; Colbert referenced South Park. Stewart and other late night hosts, including Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers, and John Oliver, appeared on Colbert’s show earlier this week. It’s not likely any of them will go away quietly. All of us—law firms, CEOs, universities, ordinary citizens—should follow their example. Stick together, laugh, and tell the bullies to go fuck themselves.
THE WEEK’S LINKS
A roundup of things you should be reading
TRUMP PRESSURE ON CIVIL SOCIETY
Under Siege From Trump and Musk, a Top Liberal Group Falls Into Crisis (New York Times)
Trump Expects Other Schools To Pay Up After Columbia Deal (The Daily Beast)
AN OLIGARCH WITH TOO MUCH POWER
Musk ordered shutdown of Starling satellite service as Ukraine retook territory from Russia (Reuters)
EXCELLENT RESOURCES!
Just Security has launched WHAT JUST HAPPENED? as well as a litigation tracker to help readers keep up with the chaos
Alex Finley is a former officer of the CIA’s Directorate of Operations, where she served in West Africa and Europe. She writes and teaches about terrorism, disinformation / covert influence, and oligarch yachts. Her writing has appeared in Slate, Reductress, Funny or Die, POLITICO, The Center for Public Integrity, and other publications. She has spoken to the BBC, MSNBC, CNN, C-SPAN’s Washington Journal, France24, and numerous other media outlets. She was also invited once to speak at Harvard, which she now tells everyone within the first ten seconds of meeting them. She is the author of the Victor Caro series, satirical novels about the CIA. Before joining the CIA, Alex was a journalist, covering Capitol Hill, the Pentagon, and the Department of Energy. She reported on issues related to national security, intelligence, and homeland security. Did she mention she was invited to speak at Harvard?
…the electric car!
Oh deer lord…the lunch table!