Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, whichever offends you the least
So long, 2023! Holy shit, I don't know if I'm ready for 2024.
This is my last Rant! of 2023. I’ll be back in the new year with more of my bright pessimism and cheery cynicism. Here’s a link to a recent podcast I did with Project Brazen’s Whale Hunting, so you won’t miss me too much.
ALEX’S WEEKLY RANT
I’m not gonna lie, 2023 has not been the best year. In fact, here’s a quick GIF to explain how it’s gone. Ok, it’s in Portuguese, but you get the gist.
It’s been a crazy year. In just the closing days of 2023:
We’ve learned that raw intelligence about Russian interference in US elections went missing at the end of the Trump administration.
The Colorado Supreme Court determined Trump is ineligible to be on the ballot because he did an insurrection.
House Republicans launched an impeachment inquiry into Joe Biden but they can’t explain why, but trust them they have all the evidence to prove the crime they cannot say he committed.
House Republicans attacked the State Department office that is meant to help counter disinformation and foreign influence.
Houthi rebels allied with Iran attacked cargo ships in the Suez Canal with drones, disrupting global trade and threatening to turn the current Israel-Gaza shitstorm into a regional shitstorm.
We learned Chinese President Xi flat out told Biden he will “reunify” Taiwan with China.
Which means, in 2024 we can look forward to:
The raw intelligence about Russia’s interference rearing its head in the middle of the presidential election. Trump and his crew will, as they’ve done in the past with intelligence, skew it to make it say something it doesn’t really say in order to help him seize power. Also, we can be sure Russia has now seen this raw intel and will adjust accordingly this time around.
The US Supreme Court will issue a final decision about whether or not insurrectionists can run for office. Considering who pays for the justices’ vacations, RVs, private school tuitions, mother’s house, and other expenses, I know who my money is on (mostly because the money of several billionaires is on them, too).
House Republicans will perform “Impeachment,” the worst off-off-Broadway show America has ever seen, featuring Lauren Boebert getting felt up in a theater while screaming about how inappropriate it is for Hunter Biden to have taken private dick pics she then shows to the hearing room while giving a handjob to her date (if we could make this a musical number, we might win a Tony), Jim Jordan repeating ad nauseam, “We have the evidence and will share it with you…next week,” while Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz fling poo at the walls.
Disinformation and foreign influence will kick into high gear and no one in the US government will be able to counter it.
Ukraine will continue fighting for our values while looking to see if we truly believe in our own values or are ready to walk away from them and toward fascism.
China will invade Taiwan.
With all the other chaos, Kim Jong Un will feel ignored and launch something into the Sea of Japan to get everyone’s attention then demand the world send him more cheese.
I would like to end on a happy note. I’d like to thank everyone who supports this newsletter, as well as all my readers, especially the ones who write me nice notes about how they love my work (not the ones who send me death threats; they kind of bum me out). When I launched Rant! in January, I had no idea how it was going to go. I am pleased with the positive response and have enjoyed the chance to get to know many of you.
Despite the crazy shitstorm 2024 is bound to be, I’m looking forward to sharing new projects with you. And maybe none of my cynical forecasts will come to fruition and I’ll be proven wrong!* Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
I wish you all Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and Happy Friday (just pick the ones you like), and I will see you all again in 2024.
*Not likely
THE WEEK’S LINKS
A roundup of stories you should be reading
EUROPE
Russian diplomats still spying freely in Brussels (LRT)
UKRAINE
Meet Ukraine’s Real Power Broker: Andriy Yermak, Zelensky’s Right-Hand Man (Business Insider)
UKRAINE AND THE UNITED STATES
How pro-Russian ‘yacht’ propaganda influenced US debate over Ukraine aid (BBC)
AFRICA
In Africa’s first ‘safe city,’ surveillance reigns (Coda Story)
RUSSIA AND THE UNITED STATES
Inside The Russian Propaganda Mill Beaming Out Of A Florida Strip Mall (Talking Points Memo)
Alex Finley is a former officer of the CIA’s Directorate of Operations, where she served in West Africa and Europe. She writes and teaches about terrorism, disinformation / covert influence, and oligarch yachts. Her writing has appeared in Slate, Reductress, Funny or Die, POLITICO, The Center for Public Integrity, and other publications. She has spoken to the BBC, MSNBC, CNN, C-SPAN’s Washington Journal, France24, and numerous other media outlets. She was also invited once to speak at Harvard, which she now tells everyone within the first ten seconds of meeting them. She is the author of the Victor Caro series, satirical novels about the CIA. Before joining the CIA, Alex was a journalist, covering Capitol Hill, the Pentagon, and the Department of Energy. She reported on issues related to national security, intelligence, and homeland security. Did she mention she was invited to speak at Harvard?
May you enjoy the jolliest and most chaotic Saturnalia!