Korean Pop Versus Korean Poop
North Korea's Waste Disposal Diplomacy: Operation Kim Il Dung
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ALEX’S WEEKLY RANT
I’m going to dive right into North Korean poop.
Wait, that didn’t come out right.
I’m going to dive into the topic of North Korean poop.
Over the past few weeks, North and South Korea have been engaging in a balloon tit-for-tat, or rather a shit-for-shat. It started after a group of North Korean defectors sent a bunch of anti-North Korean flyers floating into the Hermit Kingdom as part of a propaganda campaign. In response, North Korea sent a thousand balloons toward South Korea. Those balloons were filled with trash and excrement. That is, North Korean poop.
I’m not super familiar with North Korea’s meteorological capabilities, but it looks like no one checked the wind direction before launching what I have dubbed Operation Kim Il Dung. Because, according to press reports, not all of the Nork poop balloons landed “over the border,” implying some landed in North Korea.
Whose Poop Is It?
It is well known, of course, that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un—the only fat person in North Korea™—does not poop. This is just a fact.
As for average North Koreans, I’m in awe at those who do doo-doo regularly, considering their diet consists mostly of rice and empty promises. But throw in a little kimchi, which will wreak havoc on even the boldest of bowels, and you’ve got yourself a potent weapon.
Defecation Exploration
Will we be able to learn anything about North Korea from their waste? Despite the fact that Kim Jong Un does not poop—again, this is just a fact—the Supreme Leader travels with his own private portable toilet, possibly afraid of what spies might learn from the doo-doo he doesn’t do. While Kim might be worried about spies sniffing his stool, South Korean scientists now have the opportunity to examine the feces floating their way. Will they learn anything about nutrition, or lack thereof, in their neighbor to the north? Will the trash prove revealing?
Let’s Get Loud
The defectors now in the south are choosing not to be defecators in return. Instead, they are sending USB sticks loaded with K-Pop music into the North. North Koreans have even less access to computers than they do food. Nevertheless, a few laptops have surreptitiously made their way in, so a lucky few will get to hear about Gangnam Style and hear the catchy beats of today’s hottest K-Pop bands.
As for the others, I’m not sure they can do much with a USB stick except wonder what it is.
The government of South Korea, of course, wasn’t going to take this shit from the North sitting down. It has unleashed its own response to the flying feces: blasting propaganda from loud speakers into North Korea. The noise can apparently be heard several miles over the border.
A Real Shitstorm
Kim Jong Un’s sister, Kim Yo Jong, called the retaliatory racket “psychological warfare” just before the North released another wave of trash balloons, many of which, again, landed in North Korea due to shifting winds.
How long will Operation Kim Il Dung go on? Might we see North Korea passing on this weapon technology to Russia for use in Ukraine? And will such tactics achieve their objectives?
It’s a real crap shoot.
THE WEEK’S LINKS
A roundup of things you should be reading
RUSSIA AND CRIMES
Ukrainian children found on Russian adoption sites (FT)
From Russia, Elaborate Tales of Fake Journalists (NYT)
How a Russian Operative Worked to Shape Moscow’s Story in Europe (Bloomberg)
Czech Prime Minister says failed arson attempt ‘organized by Russia’ (BBC)
Faking an honest woman: Why Russia, China and Big Tech all use faux females to get clicks (AP)
Alex Finley is a former officer of the CIA’s Directorate of Operations, where she served in West Africa and Europe. She writes and teaches about terrorism, disinformation / covert influence, and oligarch yachts. Her writing has appeared in Slate, Reductress, Funny or Die, POLITICO, The Center for Public Integrity, and other publications. She has spoken to the BBC, MSNBC, CNN, C-SPAN’s Washington Journal, France24, and numerous other media outlets. She was also invited once to speak at Harvard, which she now tells everyone within the first ten seconds of meeting them. She is the author of the Victor Caro series, satirical novels about the CIA. Before joining the CIA, Alex was a journalist, covering Capitol Hill, the Pentagon, and the Department of Energy. She reported on issues related to national security, intelligence, and homeland security. Did she mention she was invited to speak at Harvard?
As a juvenile male in my 50s and avid purveyor of terrible dad jokes, i really appreciate the ode to number two Korean style.
The animus between the two koreas manifesting itself in dueling doo doo balloons can be the harbinger of things to come for future conflicts; envision a battle between Ukraine and Russia - cabbage soup versus kubisaw and pierogies.
Going to need bigger balloons, then we will have a balloon Gap that will determine presidential elections etc. History does indeed rhyme.
Shit for shat, love that! I loaned out my 'Victor in Trouble' book, so cannot use for reference, but when the Dolt went on a rant about sharks and batteries last week, I flash backed on a scene that I think was near the beginning? Am I close?