Joe Biden Ate Ice Cream While CIA And Ukraine Planned To Assassinate Tucker Carlson
This is the level of stupidity we are at.
We had a lot of fun at VESPERS yesterday with Charles Beaumont, former MI6 operative and author of “A Spy Alone”. We talked war on terror, private intelligence, Russian mafia, and the high demand to get into Roman Abramovich’s box at FC Chelsea. If you haven’t already, go check out his book.
Also this week, I spoke to the Above Average Intelligence podcast, hosted by my former colleague Marc Polymeropoulos. They titled the episode “I told you so,” giving me bragging rights for having known the Biden-Burisma-Corruption narrative was a Russian disinformation operation all along (not that that is stopping the Republicans).
ALEX’S WEEKLY RANT
A Russian propaganda site called “The Intel Drop” released a story this week that Russian officials foiled a Ukrainian plan to assassinate Tucker Carlson while he was in Moscow to interview Vladimir Putin. Russia claimed to have arrested the assassin and posted a video of him “confessing” to the plot, which apparently was to blow up Tucker with an IED. Here is a still shot of the alleged killer, who, according to his confession, was recruited over the internet and took the job for a mere $4000.
Despite only ever communicating with his Ukrainian handlers via internet, the stealthy assassin underwent rigorous training.
So, to sum up Ukrainian intelligence modus operandi:
Step 1: Target, vet, recruit random dude for a highly complex and sensitive assassination plot in Moscow over the internet.
Step 2: Offer $4000 to random dude found through whatever the dating site is for assassins (killr? EAssassin? OKHitman?) and hope he swipes right.
The Story Then Spread Through The Far-Right Information Ecosystem
A number of right-wingers with big audiences then amplified the story (which is not true, by the way; I can’t believe I have to clarify that, but these days, one must).
Michael Flynn, who—this still amazes me—used to run a US intelligence agency, added a new dimension to the conspiracy. The Ukrainians weren’t working alone, you see. CIA was in on it, too!
I can’t imagine the paperwork at Langley to plan this operation.
Also, wouldn’t it be easier for the US government to assassinate someone in America, rather than in Russia? It seems like a lot more hassle.
Anyway, this video of Ukrainian and CIA operatives training to blow up Tucker with an IED (using a jar of mayo as an effigy of the man) has leaked online.
Meanwhile, Joe Biden Ate Ice Cream!
Which, apparently, is bad? The criticism (from the same right-wing information ecosystem as the aforementioned assassination gem of a story) was that he ate ice cream (a happy, joyous thing) while discussing the war in Gaza (a decidedly not happy and joyous thing).
It was fine, however, when Trump used ice cream as a political tool at White House dinners, getting two scoops while his guests got only one. That sure showed them who was boss! Then again, they likely weren’t discussing anything serious, except maybe classified documents that got thrown around like the hotel keys of lonely collagen-filled women hanging out with Mar-a-Lago’s tennis pros.
It’s ice cream, folks! Can’t we agree that ice cream is good?
Nope.
Now, if you’ve read VICTOR IN TROUBLE, you know I made up a conspiracy about a political figure and ice cream. (If you haven’t read VICTOR IN TROUBLE, why not??)
In the book, the democratic presidential candidate is an ice cream magnate. At a rally, she soothes a crying child by saying, “This kid needs ice cream!” Very quickly it morphs into the #KidneyIceCream conspiracy, which claims she is trafficking children to steal their kidneys to make ice cream.
It’s an incredibly stupid conspiracy I made up, right? And yet, look at the world we live in! Nothing is stupid enough. It keeps getting stupider.
THE WEEK’S LINKS
A roundup of stories you should be reading
RUSSIAN REVANCHISM
Russian media: Moscow to consider Transnistria’s ‘protection’ appeal (Kyiv Independent)
MCKINSEY AND CHINA
McKinsey-led think-tank advised China on policy that fed US tensions (FT)
TRUMP, RUSSIA, AND UKRAINE
Why is Trump Trying to Make Ukraine Lose? (The Atlantic)
Alex Finley is a former officer of the CIA’s Directorate of Operations, where she served in West Africa and Europe. She writes and teaches about terrorism, disinformation / covert influence, and oligarch yachts. Her writing has appeared in Slate, Reductress, Funny or Die, POLITICO, The Center for Public Integrity, and other publications. She has spoken to the BBC, MSNBC, CNN, C-SPAN’s Washington Journal, France24, and numerous other media outlets. She was also invited once to speak at Harvard, which she now tells everyone within the first ten seconds of meeting them. She is the author of the Victor Caro series, satirical novels about the CIA. Before joining the CIA, Alex was a journalist, covering Capitol Hill, the Pentagon, and the Department of Energy. She reported on issues related to national security, intelligence, and homeland security. Did she mention she was invited to speak at Harvard?
Omg, the best part of that video is when - about 8 seconds in - the dude TOTALLY rips one. So they were practicing with both explosives *and* chemical/biological weapons.